Hey, ya’ll. This is the first installment of the Hillbilly Travelogue where a good old boy from the VA mountains doles out advice on traveling nice.
This series will cover essential things like manners, travel technology, dress codes, and such. Remember, being an A-dub while traveling is really unnecessary and promotes the “Ugly American” image.
World travel tip: If you are an A-Dub, do everyone everywhere a favor and stay the hell home.
So let’s get started! I will keep this bit on the short side since it’s hot and a cold beer is calling me.
Dress code 101
For land’s sake, have a little pride when you travel. Don’t dress like you are on your way to the Wally Mart hoping to be featured in a viral photo collection of odd people seen at Wally Mart.
Sure, sloppy sweats are comfy but you are in public, not your rumpus room. At least put on things that need belts and have buttons or zippers.
And, please, oh please, do not wear, or pack, clothing that looks like you were poured into it and that were you to bend over, would shoot buttons with enough velocity to maim a hog. No one wants to see that, trust me.
Unless you are some super model. In such cases, we might be agreeable to an exception.
Once you hit your destination and get settled, try to blend in, at least a bit. Now, if you are here in the good old US of A, wearing clothes that shout, “Juicy,” or “I’m with stoopid,” may not get a second look.
But, when you are off our home turf, do as the natives do. Or, as the old saying goes, When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” No, don’t pack a toga. That style went out with Nero.
There is this amazing new thing called the internet. Check out pictures of where you are heading and see what the local yokels are wearing. See if you can match that.
Of course, a little common sense is called for here. No need to buy a whole new wardrobe or try to match some primitive culture style. Just don’t be some walking, talking billboard shouting, “Hey ya’ll. Looky here. I is from the US of A and you best be looking out for my specialness.”
No siree, Bob. Being understated and reserved when in someone else’s backyard will make your trip more enjoyable for all involved.
Besides, if some terror group decides to snatch a gaggle of tourists for a little prime time and social media publicity, not sticking out like a neon sign is a good thing. Think “Where’s Waldo” as opposed to “the Kardashian look.”
World travel tip: Looking like you are a local can deflect the unwelcome attention of pick pockets and other riff raff that prey on tourists.
That beer is mighty insistent so that will wrap it up for the very first Hillbilly Travelogue.
Good advice for good manners and happy travel. Free! You’re welcome.