We were hurtled, literally, towards Oslo, from London by a big tail wind that had us approaching at over 800kms/hr. This had us arriving 20 minutes early. Had the wind God, let’s call him Flatulentus, known about Norwegian customs it’s unlikely he’d blown so hard. A huge queue stretched out of the hall and took 50 minutes to negotiate. Bear in mind, it’s 30 hours since leaving Cape Town, tolerance of inefficiency isn’t on my list for negotiation. The baggage claim suggested that all holiday flights get in at 11.00pm, effectively, we escaped with our bags and walked 300m to our hotel bed. I don’t remember checking in, let alone getting in to bed!

Angelka has never visited Oslo and it’s 20+ years since I’ve been here. It’s a mixture of classic architecture and modernism. Everything functions efficiently, it’s clean, neat and very easy to adapt to. In my working life I’d been very friendly with my Norwegian contemporary, Rune Lem and it was great to meet up with he, and his wife Karin, and catch up on the last twenty years while strolling through the ornate harbour side constructions that represent al fresco dining, modern apartment blocks and museums. Rune was very excited to point out John Fredriksen, one of the worlds richest men, who actually lives in London and is currently selling up his palace in London to move to Dubai. Apparently, he does like the way his taxes are being spent by the Labour Government, shame, that you think you have the right to determine! Seriously?

Later that day we meandered the city centre from the brutalist architecture of the Opera House and Munch museum to the classic Royal Palace and park. While everything is expensive, it’s also worth it.

Back to the airport on the very quick train to collect our bags and drop them off for our flight to Bodø, pronounced Boodoo, which serves as the gateway to Lofoten with a ferry port. Coming in to land you see hundreds of islands, in itself, not that surprising given there are 150,000 of them! There’s 50,000 lakes, too, you could say it’s quite a watered down country! We picked up our hire car, for the first time an electric, at the airport, in pouring rain.. Being hard of hearing, with steamed up windows, zero visibility… it’s hard to know if it’s on, in gear, off, locked….! Downtown Bodo, another Radisson, another bed I couldn’t remember being in! I’d slept quite well on the CPT to LHR flight, at least for me, and felt quite human meandering London, lunch etc however, we are both zonked and slow to get up to speed.

Checking in for the ferry reminds me how much technology puts old people at such a disadvantage. We have to confirm your reservation with a QR code at the port, no cellular data, no human being, long lines…. Others had the same problem but it seemed, most were just happy getting to grips with their electric hire car tv screens and the myriad of functions! Fortunately, Angelka found the port WiFi, I found a human and between us, we could relax and enjoy the four hour ferry journey to Moskenes which is towards the southern tip of Lofoten.

The sunny day in Bodo is the drizzly day on Lofoten but, no matter, the mountainous scenery is majestic, the painted fishermen’s huts iconic, small harbours, little bakeries and an itinerary aimed at taking in all we want to see. A little village of A, pronounced O, was the first stop, a collection of cottages, around a harbour. This is the high season so, you expect queues and tourist irritations but, none of it. As for the cottages, a little like a colour code, they are red, yellow and white. The reason is both financial and practical. The red paint was cheapest and because there’s a high content of fish blood and cod liver oil, the most resilient to the weather. The yellow homes could afford more expensive paint without the need to be so resilient, given they are on the ground, rather than stilts above the sea. The white, well, that’s just those that like to attract attention!!

One of our first stops is Reine, it’s often photographed from above (hold that thought for a few days hence) as there are hikes affording stunning views of its bay, harbour and homes. That is a little touristy so we are delighted we are staying on a little island called Sakrisøya. You collect your key from a letter box and our cabin looks out over a small bay, with crystal clear water. There’s a great deli/cafe and if fish is your things, happy days. It sold Dulce, a sea weed which, in strips, you can pan fry to create vegan bacon, whale steaks which are a very dark red/brown and stock fish, these are gutted, headless fish that hang from elevated frames in their millions, drying in the wind and cold for months. We’d made plans for dinner at a Mexican fusion restaurant which was ok, but, as it was incredibly expensive, to at least Capetonians, a little disappointing.

At least 10 hours of soporific sleep got us back on track. We both had stories of getting up in the night to bright skies. The night lasts for about two hours from 3.00-5.00. Sadly, this is not northern lights season, however, we knew that in advance, so no disappointment.

We went back to A as it had a highly regarded bakeri and queued to get some breakfast and travel nosh. A pit stop at a supermarket got us other things for the journeys and we meandered through the southern part of the islands, many linked with beautiful bridges, visiting spots we’d picked up from research. While the weather was a little grey, the clouds were high and the scenery quite beautiful. The bridges all have a very similar look, you get the impression Norway signed up for an EU initiative of buy 10, get one free!

Our last stop is our hotel, the Nusfjord village which has been on AD’s to stay list for some time. It’s features on tv shows and the like and is a family project, all be it, a very rich family, trying to preserve the history and heritage while offering a delightful experience for guests. Our cabin is a delight, at the end of the fjord, comfy and away from the tourists that visit during the day. We watched a sea eagle move in on nesting birds who then launched a frenzied attack to protect their eggs. Dinner is a very good pizza and a beer, having had drinks in the bar. While drinking and dining, I was charging the electric car for the first time. It was all going so well, I went to disconnect it but couldn’t get either plug to disconnect. The handbook was both written in Norwegian and didn’t appear to mention charging, reception couldn’t help me nor could their nominated employee. After around 30 minutes I’m into grumbling mode when an Irish lady, wearing a onesie comes out of a cabin to enquire if I’ve finished charging?! It was she that suggested that some cars internal locks remain on despite external locks being released. Bingo!!

AD is sad to be leaving so we indulged ourselves until the last moment before checking out as “we’ll never come here again”! We’ve decided to risk potential rain to do a hike to Riken, described as “moderate” and while it’s only 650m, it looks colossal and long. It did take us 4 hours however, rain was sporadic and spitting and when the clouds lifted, the views were awesome, taking in much of the island from coast to coast with incredible views in to the distance. We were not alone, hundreds were making the effort. On the way down, Angelka was juggling phones, cameras and… came up with the hotel key which she’d forgotten to hand in.. so, we will visit the hotel again!!

We had a drive of 90 minutes to our next port of call, Henningsvaer, a fishing town that has featured heavily as it’s football pitch, shot from a drone, is quite iconic and featured by the BBC. It’s a cross between Venice and Seahouses, more the latter. Absolutely charming and a delight to meander. A large water lane passes through its heart, it’s actually an island and is clearly a tourist destination. Our hotel features in the Mr & Mrs Smith guide and is very comfortable for two bedraggled people having tramped 20,000 steps! Given my age, it’s liberating to be given a junior suite!

Another charging point, on the periphery of WiFi, signing up to an app, needing c/c approval etc. fortunately I had the help of a lady from reception, not that she’d done it before, it just meant I wouldn’t lose my shit so as not to embarrass myself!! Having found out how to charge and uncouple, my life felt so much more competent. Bear in mind, you do wonder, can I electrocute myself if it’s raining etc? Fair?

Dinner was excellent, we saw vegetables on our plate and dishes were original and tasty. If you have to pay an arm and a leg, at least well fed ones, please!

Day 4 is a RIB trip from Solsvaer, the capital and only 15 kms away. The weather is stunning, cloudless blue sky feeling a lot warmer than the advertised 15C. Having checked in with a cosmopolitan bunch of tourists, we were delighted not to be sharing the Chinese RIB, too excited, just to be putting on a buoyancy suit! They were more like mobile sauna units on such a warm day! We are here to see sea eagles and fjords. Sea Eagles find it hard to fish as once their huge wings are wet they are more likely to drown so, they rely on seagulls to do the space work before threatening them with talon and beak to hand over their catch. Brilliant creatures to see so close up. The scenery was stunning and we also popped in to Trollfjord. You’ll remember I have no cellular data which would be the only way I’d see any trolls today! A very narrow entrance, huge rock sides, a waterfall, HEP and stories of fishing wars in years gone by. A chat with American tourists found out they find Norway expensive, too! Angelka is thrilled with herself as shes taken a great video of a sea eagle, cropped it, set it to slow mo and added a soundtrack. Does this make her an influencer if she posts it? Apart from that, she’s purring like a tractor about where we are and doesn’t want to leave, that makes two of us!!

We went for a stroll to find some dinner and were attracted to an empty restaurant by the owner’s gorgeous smile. A Spanish couple making classic tapas that were just delicious with a great glass of wine, al fresco. Such good fortune to trust your gut.

We leave Henningvaer quite early the next day as we are to hike Reinebringen, sadly the most Instagrammed site, is that even an expression?! I’m worried that wind and cloud will bring the forecast rain so drive a little too aggressively for Angelka’s liking as it’s a \240two hour drive. I call RVs snails as they crawl along, looking everywhere but the road with little consideration other than them getting their shots. Three Italian RVs in convoy should not be allowed, period! The main roads here are one and a half lanes wide which adds to the frustration! Anyway, we make it, park up and head off. This hike is 2000 “Sherpa” steps, 500 metre ascent and 1.1kms in distance… taking 2-4 hours. The weather is in our favour and while we are hot, sweaty messes by the time we get to the top, the view is utterly extraordinary, a sense of achievement with lots of respect to parents back packing infants, young kids and dogs! Have to say, I did get a sense of vertigo at the top, it’s precarious, it was windy and I just felt “off”! That’s a first and not a pleasant experience. After a far quicker descent, we had a coffee and cake at a local cafe and looked up at the mountain, somewhat smug \240as we watched the clouds roll in and spots of rain started to fall!

Our last night is in a fishing village called Ballstad. They say village, it looks like a town with ship building etc. the hotel is lots of cabins, good spec and a location on a headland. They have fine dining and, much to my surprise, some great SA wines! I sent a photo to one of the winemakers to be told we weren’t the first to send a photo from Lofoten! Yah, boo, sucks!! Coming from Cape Town, fine dining is the thing so, the idea of fine dining at an incredible price isn’t that attractive. We found a waterside restaurant that gave us exactly what we needed,simple food but, you never escape without spending, at least, £100! Back to charge the car, I’m getting good at this, another app, credit card approval, finding not evident information…. It’s hard to plug in two sockets holding them with your fingers crossed!

Our last day on Lofoten is to be lazy and relaxed. A last minute check out, slow, meandering drive before a mid afternoon ferry and mid evening flight, what could possibly go wrong?! Having breakfast included in the room rate makes quite a difference when eating on the hood is so expensive. You, also, get to see local traditions in their cuisine which are fun to try, brown cheese, fish paste and any number of herring varieties. I had to try the fish paste as it featured on Ewan McGregor/Charlie Boorman’s biking travelogue recently. I won’t try it again but the brown cheese with rhubarb confit made inroads. Lovely dining room, excellent staff, good start to the day. Having no itinerary, we just pulled over whenever we pleased, getting to the ferry terminal with loads of time to spare. On this trip we didn’t take any cash and, not once, did it prove a disadvantage. It appears the world is now cashless. Another point of note, no one is chasing tips, either the machine doesn’t have that function or the cashier punches no tip before presenting the pdq. There is a tip jar but, it appears, as an afterthought. Clearly, the salaries are more than adequate and the customer is not being encouraged to make up the employers lack of respect! The ferry journey is a very slow 3 hours in which time I finished my third book of the trip. My friend, Rune Lem, is like most Norwegians, a book worm, especially legal thrillers. I’m reading three of his recommendations that he gave me. I realise that I like novels, a little more whimsy, more use of language, reality that challenges one’s perception and that you might take something from. I bought a book in Oslo, recommended as one of the most popular novels last year and representative of Norway’s 21st century writers; a guy who opts out of a stereotypical successful life, camps in a forest, kills an elk, adopts its calf, “Bongo” and changes those around him who aspire to his life, very irreverent and the type of book I take more from. We have both read a novel based in Bodo and had hoped to find the police station, which features heavily for a photo op, not to be but a fun way to travel, literature immersed in the region.

We made it to our hotel at Oslo airport by 11.00pm, alarm set for 5.00am and off we go to France. Nothing too remarkable other than there are no humans involved in checking in, bags, airline. If everything works, not a problem, if something fails, carnage! Our final pit stop for food, a mere £25 for two passable flat whites, a cinnamon bun and a sandwich. Yes, it’s expensive but it does make you question what you buy, when and what you actually need. On that point, I cannot wait to get back to Cape Town for my excesses but, we are both agreed, Northern Norway, “we’ll be back!”

As tourism should be….

Reine, ground floor view